A while ago, a woman sent me an email containing just a joke. I replied with one of my own.
This began a regular exchange – though never with any “direct” conversation.

In some strange way, the topics and joke treatments became an actual form of communication for real – revealing things about us to each other.

Anyway, she sent me a sexual innuendo story – this was my reply.
I don’t want to put this on Urbis main, so here is part 1 for your amusement (I hope).

He first heard of the caves as a child. The older boys would boast of their adventures, while the younger ones shared silly stories to show how clever they were.
As he approached puberty, the idea of the caves began to both intrigue and frighten him. He had heard that some had been cared for, and were either surrounded by well trimmed shrubbery or even had a bare entrance. Others, he was told, were hidden behind a dense growth.
Adults kept warning him of the dangers, suggesting that he first learn the art of defence to avoid dire consequences. They told of some young men that went in and were trapped for life.
Most of the caves were well protected, their purity almost revered like some holy artifact, only to be approached by those willing to undertake the most holy of ceremonies over a period of years. All the boys knew others, those that were almost common property, available to any that wished to enter. His father warned him to avoid those, telling him that they held foul smells and disease. He said that even those that remained clean were so over used that they had lost any mystery or value. “You can use them to experiment, if they are clean, but each man really needs a cave that is all his, one that he wishes to become a part of his life”.
Some wanted the caves only found in the young mountains, recently produced by nature, their structure almost untouched by the effects of time, almost vacant of life. For a young man, this dream seemed acceptable, but most frowned if an older man sought them out.
Others wanted a cave belonging to the older mountains, those that had matured, weathered by time, yet having absorbed knowledge and wisdom.
Rather than rush into one of the greatest adventures of his life, he first studied. He read texts both ancient and new, of the rituals and the approaches most likely to make his penetration of their depths both wonderful for him and that would please the mountain. For many believed that mountains had souls, and to win the heart of a mountain was one of the greatest prizes a man could ever imagine. Something to love and be loved by, to cherish during the rest of his life.

I’ll only put up part two if others request it.

I would prefer if you used the word ‘pussy’ instead of cave. That’s way sexier. And it could actually be about the caves. Or about pussy. :)
I adore spoken, spontaneous innuendo. Written – not so much. It’s too expected. Even if you’re PMing with a 90 year old granny.

I wouldn’t mind reading the second part.

Jeb is a dweeb… don’t listen to him

I’m with SH. Down with Jeb. ;)

Yeah, don’t mind Jeb, he’s too pretty and witty and… well not that… to be taken seriously.
Or is he? ::plays Tubular Bells theme::